The Next Phase of the Composting Latrine Project

June 2012

Walking Down the Tough Road

I told myself that I wanted to work with agencies to receive funding for the composting latrine project.  With wide eyes open, I knew that this would be a long, frustrating, bureaucratic process, that if achieved would be a huge success.  It would be a 100% locally managed and funded project, opening the door for the community to work with PAN and the Peace Corps.

I told myself that I would give it 6 months to see whether or not PAN would come through.  After a series of meetings, phone calls from by my Health Committee President, visiting the office in Panamá City, I finally broke down.  They weren’t moving on this.  I could tell from the way they talked to me about the project, and the fact that they keep saying “1 more month” every month. 

I knew that working with PAN could fail, risking whether or not I could start the implementation phase of the project during my service.  But I also knew that throughout the process of soliciting PAN, the community’s investment in the project would increase, and it had. 

They are ready for this project because they worked for it.  They walked down the tough road of soliciting the government, which takes courage and commitment.  Unfortunately, the PAN wasn’t there to meet them at the end of that road.  It was time to take another road.

Another Road, Still Tough

USAID offers Small Project Assistance Grants to Peace Corps Volunteers on specific areas.  In Panamá, they offer SPA Grants to projects related to bio-diversity, which composting latrines fit into.

I had talked to my APCD about everything that I was doing with PAN, and the possibility of soliciting funds late into my service.  I was given the impression that I would be able to solicit funds in June.  I spent all night writing the best document I could ever produce and submitted it to the SPA Committee. 

Although valuing highly the merits of the work that Alto Playón and I had been doing, the committee rejected the proposal on account of not having enough time left in my service to complete the project. 

I was frustrated and angry.  Two days before I spoke with office leadership about submitting my project and they told me to go ahead.  Six months earlier my APCD told me I could submit a late proposal.  What the F*CK?

I’m not the type of person to take my anger out on others.  I knew the rules and I was thought maybe an exception could be made for me.  WHY didn’t I just get the funds back in January, and just waited to use them till now?!?!  HOW was it that I actually believed working with PAN would come through?!?  WHY did I choose the hard road?  WHY was this happening…?

This series of events sparked eventual low points I would hit in my service.  I couldn’t help but feel foolish, unaccomplished, too idealistic, and worst of all – I felt that I had held out on my community.  I had a very tough time coming to grips with all of this.  I broke down a few times in my hut. 

I looked around at other G66 Volunteers who were finishing their projects, leaving built infrastructure for their communities.  Volunteers who would be able to celebrate a tangible success that I wouldn’t be able to taste in my service.  I felt as if I didn’t live up to my full potential – and it was hard to face that.